It seems that over the past few years, you kids have just gotten more and more spoiled, or just completely rude and inconsiderate when it comes to Halloween and trick-or-treating. Maybe your parents suck at raising kids, or maybe you just don’t listen to them, but just so you are aware, I do not HAVE to buy a big bowl of candy and get up and answer the door fifty times in one night. I CHOOSE to because I love kids and I love to celebrate the holiday. But lately, many of you are making me wish I’d just left my porch light off instead. Here are the rules if you want to trick-or-treat at my house:
1. You MUST be in costume. You are absolutely crazy if you think I’m going to give you candy just for knocking on my door. You have to at least entertain me with the creativity of your costume.
2. Please be under the age of 13. Anyone over that age trick-or-treating is simply pathetic. Go to a party. If you weren’t invited to a party, now I know why. You will not get candy, but you will get made fun of.
3. Please say “Trick-or-Treat”. It’s just something that should go without saying. I hate answering the door to awkward silence. If you’re under the age of 5, I’ll give you a break.
4. Please say “Thank you”. It’s just polite. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves if they haven’t been instilling these types of manners in you. Again, if you’re under age 5, I’ll give you a break.
5. I’m a giving person. I will tell you to grab a couple treats or a few rather than just handing you one. Don’t then proceed to scoop up a quarter of the candy in my bowl. I hate greediness.
6. I usually have an assortment of candy – if I happen to grab you a couple pieces and there was something else you liked better, just keep it to yourself. You’re likely to get that same thing at a different house. Be happy with what you get!
7. If you are on your cell phone, you will not get candy.
8. If you ring my doorbell more than once or bang on my door until I answer it, you will not get candy.
9. When I’ve shut the porch light off, I’ve either run out of candy or it’s past 9pm. Don’t ring my doorbell or knock on my door. You will not get candy.